Frustration.

Mood: Crushed

And all you do is fuck things up for me.

Somehow it is during this part of my life that seems the most torturous. What with having no license, no car, no job and no income. I am sorry for ranting. I just can't help it. Do keep in mind that this is a personal rant. If you don't like reading my emo posts, don't do so. Because I don't like people reading these kind of posts then going around telling people about how I am such a sucker.

I desperately need a job right now because currently, my money is flowing out with none flowing back in. I wonder if I can cope. You know, balancing out my time at college and my time at work. That's if I get a job in the first place. I have not been sleeping soundly these past few nights because I have been wide awake thinking about what I should do. I am kind of driven to the point of no return where if I don't get a job, I am going to effin' rot in hell. Penniless. I know, why not look in the newspaper for part-time job offerings? Or post a bulletin on Friendster or Myspace or Facebook or on my blog? I would have done that. If I had a car. It would be completely pointless to get a job somewhere far away from my house if I can't travel there.

No license and no car means no traveling at my own free will. For example, my dad sends me to college as and when I have class. Be it in the morning or afternoon. But he isn't around to send me back home. Which means that I have to look for my own transport home. Which, in short, fucking sucks and is such a big turnoff until I feel like smashing everything in my way every time I think about it. It's not that I'm not grateful that there are people willing to send me home. I appreciate you guys a hella lot but it would make me feel better if I would be able to drive myself home without being dependant on friends. Troubling them makes me feel guilty.

Thankfully at college I am starting to get to know my classmates better and communicating with them more often compared to the first week. But still, after class everyone goes home or wherever they're supposed to go. Which leaves me alone until my friend from Sunway College finishes class and fetches me home. It can get really frustrating. Especially when I have to walk around or eat alone for a few hours. I mean sure, I can take care of myself but hey, I have to engage in conversation with people most of the time. You guys should know. And I don't plan to talk to myself unless I am driven to that point.

Oh and about today. The race stopped at Lap 33 with Jensen Button dominating them all. I was looking forward to the rain but I wasn't looking forward to such a heavy one. It was kinda awesome, the way they raced under the rain and all but I have to admit that it was a fucking rip-off 'cause they would not restart the race. My ticket cost RM800 and I am thankful that I got it for free and not have to pay for it 'cause if I did, I would be really upset that I did not get to watch them race all 56 laps.

Congratulations Jensen Button!