Sunday, February 20, 2011

Depression Much.

Listening to: That Girl by David Choi

Why did I let it happen? Why... What the fuck was I thinking? Seriously.

I started feeling depressed since last night after foosball. This is so frustrating. I can't even write about it right now because my dad is beside me nagging my ass off. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO LET OUT AT LEAST 50% OF MY PENT-UP FEELINGS IF I CAN'T EVEN BLAB IT OUT HERE?!?!?!?

I don't know what to do. Philip Morris isn't helping one bit. Watching Family Guy isn't helping either. I don't want to spend my money drinking. I studied last night from 3 AM till 6 AM WHATTHEFUCK. I think I'll go study later.

Heck, I think I should be depressed more often so that I can study more.

And again, it all comes down to this. My friends. Every. Single. Time. This is so stupid I don't even want to talk about it. But I have to, it's eating me up inside. I don't know what to do anymore.

All I want to do now is be left alone. I just want to cry everything out. I think I will.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Listening to: Fireworks. Not by Katy Perry. But real fireworks going off outside.

Is it me or is Chinese New Year getting more and more boring as the years go by? I am stuck in Taiping for the next 3 days. I have been here since Tuesday. It's already Friday and I can already feel my skin beginning to rot. It has been exactly 80 hours since - no, Chong, not since Shen left, but since - I met with Philip Morris. I never really had the urge to meet him. Until just now when I told him I wouldn't be able to make it to Ipoh because I have to be back by midnight. It's not really his fault. I just need to see someone else I know besides my relatives because staying in this house doing nothing all day is driving me insane.

I was feeling so agitated at everything and everyone. I don't blame them. I'm the one who is down with a running nose and who is feeling exceptionally grumpy. I just need to get out of the house and see someone, talk to someone. It's only been, what, 3 days+? And I'm almost half-insane.

And so I did what I never thought I would do. Not while seeing Philip Morris was a secret to my family members. I crept outside while everyone was gambling or watching TV, hid somewhere strategic, and met up with my dear friend for a few minutes. Though I have to admit, those few minutes with him got my heart beating so fucking fast I swore if you were right next to me, you could hear it. I'm sorry, I was exaggerating. But it was beating fast, you know.

Now here I am, waiting for - OH HE'S ONLINE ALREADY. Goodbye :)