WoOying.

Listening to: Undisclosed Desires by Muse

Everything will change, but love remains the same.

Every time I gaze into those eyes, I can't help but smile. Smile at how incredibly great every thing has been for me the past week. I'm caught up in my own world, a world where nothing and no one can interrupt me basking in the joy that only he can bring.

How long? How long can this feeling last? I only have 4 days left. 4 days to lie down on my bed of roses. 4 days. Too fast. It's going by too fast.

Come June, every thing will be different. Will I be able to take the hard hit which is slowly making it's way towards me? I don't know. I thought I could, but after opening my eyes and thinking. Thinking and thinking. I might not be able to take control of everything the way I thought I could.

Hope dangles on a string.

I have not felt so down in quite some time. All I've been doing is enjoying my freedom for a month plus. I was not willing to give up my freedom. Wasn't it obvious? The night I made you a promise and broke it a few hours later. I could see the disappointment and anger written all over your face. I misused your trust. And who else is there to blame except myself. Up till now, I am still sad and disappointed with myself. What I did was so selfish and inconsiderate.

But, Baby, I think my decision to accept you into my life is something not worth thinking twice about.

You and I both know this is gonna be tough, but you and I both know, too, that I love you Baby.

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.

Dry Your Eyes.

Listening to: 不能说的秘密 [Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi] by 周杰伦 [Jay Chou]

Whatever.

Listening to: 웨딩드레스 (Wedding Dress) by 태양 (Taeyang)

There has just been so much going on lately, I missed the chance to go watch some stand-up comedy show at Jaya One. Bleh. I won a pair of tickets from Nuffnang, but with all the shit going on, I forgot to check my mail to confirm the reservation and now my tickets have been revoked. And I only have myself to blame. The show is tonight. Sigh.

It hurts every time I look at it.

I have got so, so many things going thru my head right now. I don't know how to handle the situation. I don't know whether things will improve or not. I have a feeling it will, but I can't risk taking anything for granted. Once the new semester starts, I'm gonna be quite fucked. All I can do is hope for the best and pray that God would help me out.

I think I need to go back to church.

My Dad, The KS-er.

Listening to: Whataya Want From Me by Adam Lambert

I was - still am actually - so hungry, I started scavenging the house for food. Usually, lady luck is never on my side. But tonight, I found food, sweet food! But an unfortunate event took place, and now I am sleepy and hungry. I can't decide whether to sleep or to cook.

I was walking around the house looking for food, then I spotted the last Chipsmore in the biscuit container. YESSSSSS!

I opened the container.

Pa: What are you eating?

Did I forget to mention that my dad was at his PC playing with some random application on Facebook? Yes?

Me: Um, Chipsmore.
Pa: Give me one.
Me: But.. it's the last one.
Pa: You ate at mamak just now, I didn't.
Me: But I didn't eat at mamak.
Pa: You go out mamak so long, don't eat? Then do what?
Me: Um.. But you always pao the Chipsmore at night, and every thing else that doesn't need to be cooked.
Pa: Who call you to stay out all the time?
Me: But.. Fine.

And I gave my cookie to him. Big bully ):

Now, to cook or not to cook?

PS: Happy Mother's Day Mummy! I love you! Hope you like the card the 3 of us got for you and the, ouch, expensive dinner.

Do excuse the bad quality picture. My phone sudah cacat and I've got no camera ):

Oh Oh Oh.

Listening to: 暗號 [An Hao] by 周杰倫 [Jay Chou]

030510, Monday

I stayed out until 5.30 AM with Kai Rong, JJ and Quek. I got fucked by my mum. Then she fucked my dad. Then my dad dulan and fucked me. Okay that sounded wrong but I suppose you get the point. I ended up sleeping at 6.30 AM because my parents were nagging me. I finally have a curfew - 1 AM. My dad set my curfew at midnight but I argued for 1 AM. 12 AM is just nonsensical.

So for this week I am going to be home by 1. Just to make my parents, especially my dad, happy. Then I'll go back to my usual ways (:

040510, Tuesday

It was 2.30 AM, I received a call from Kr.

Kr: I'm coming to KK now. I'll pass you your phone.
Me: Okay.

Just in case you didn't know, I left my phone in his car the night before. He called my sister's phone.

I fell asleep.

It was 3.30 AM, I received a call from Kr.

Kr: Hello? You sleeping is it?
Me: Yesssssss.
Kr: I'm coming over now to pass you your phone.
Me: Okay.

Actually we talked a bit more. But all small talk. I am too lazy to include everything here.

I walked downstairs because I wasn't sleepy already. My dad was still awake, playing some game apps on Facebook. I walked downstairs and sat beside him.

Pa: Cannot sleep ah?
Me: No, my friend coming over to pass me my phone now.
Pa: WHAT?! So late.
Me: Yeah.
Pa: Okay then.

There was like 10 seconds of silence. Then..

Pa: Eh, eh, is he on his way here now?
Me: Yeah, why?
Pa: Can you ask him to get me a box of ciggies? Kent Silver Neo. I pay him back.
Me: ... ... Okay.

I called Kr, he said he had no cash on him so he brought me out to 7e to get my dad's ciggies.

I came home and passed him his ciggies.

Pa: Why you come home so fast wan?
Me: ... ...

I sat down beside him and booted up my PC. Here I am blogging because I just don't know how to respond to the last question Papa asked me.

I know you're reading this Kai (:

I Don't Know.

Listening to: Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson

I am trying very hard to hold back the urge to pour out everything.

Lately I have been eating like a monster. I can't really figure out why. Never bothered to Google it up, and most probably not going to.


I can't help but miss you sometimes. Sometimes. You pop up in my mind every once in a while, especially when I am alone doing nothing. I need to get my mind off you. And quick. Before I start to have a change of heart.

I am sorry if I have been a bit emotional lately. I tend to become someone different occasionally. Which sucks. It's unfair for you to put up with it. But I'm not being this way only to you. I have not been myself in front of everyone lately.

I really wanna go out with you. But I can't find a reason to go out with you. Am I being paranoid? I think I am. I don't know why we suddenly drifted apart. But it hurts, kind of. Should I just tell you? I think I shouldn't.

I don't know what I should do with you. Seriously. I am kind of stuck in a rut here. And it ain't fun. I wanna go out with you but then again, I don't. I am not willing to risk anything. But I feel happy when I'm with you.

I already have enough to deal with. You telling me things I don't want to hear isn't really making my life any easier. I guess you don't need me to tell you this again. but you know what my decision is and what it always will be.

Just chill the fuck out lah Denise!

Thank you, Haziq Riza, for chatting with me on Facebook and saving me from boredom (: