Depression Much.

Listening to: That Girl by David Choi

Why did I let it happen? Why... What the fuck was I thinking? Seriously.

I started feeling depressed since last night after foosball. This is so frustrating. I can't even write about it right now because my dad is beside me nagging my ass off. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO LET OUT AT LEAST 50% OF MY PENT-UP FEELINGS IF I CAN'T EVEN BLAB IT OUT HERE?!?!?!?

I don't know what to do. Philip Morris isn't helping one bit. Watching Family Guy isn't helping either. I don't want to spend my money drinking. I studied last night from 3 AM till 6 AM WHATTHEFUCK. I think I'll go study later.

Heck, I think I should be depressed more often so that I can study more.

And again, it all comes down to this. My friends. Every. Single. Time. This is so stupid I don't even want to talk about it. But I have to, it's eating me up inside. I don't know what to do anymore.

All I want to do now is be left alone. I just want to cry everything out. I think I will.

Listening to: Fireworks. Not by Katy Perry. But real fireworks going off outside.

Is it me or is Chinese New Year getting more and more boring as the years go by? I am stuck in Taiping for the next 3 days. I have been here since Tuesday. It's already Friday and I can already feel my skin beginning to rot. It has been exactly 80 hours since - no, Chong, not since Shen left, but since - I met with Philip Morris. I never really had the urge to meet him. Until just now when I told him I wouldn't be able to make it to Ipoh because I have to be back by midnight. It's not really his fault. I just need to see someone else I know besides my relatives because staying in this house doing nothing all day is driving me insane.

I was feeling so agitated at everything and everyone. I don't blame them. I'm the one who is down with a running nose and who is feeling exceptionally grumpy. I just need to get out of the house and see someone, talk to someone. It's only been, what, 3 days+? And I'm almost half-insane.

And so I did what I never thought I would do. Not while seeing Philip Morris was a secret to my family members. I crept outside while everyone was gambling or watching TV, hid somewhere strategic, and met up with my dear friend for a few minutes. Though I have to admit, those few minutes with him got my heart beating so fucking fast I swore if you were right next to me, you could hear it. I'm sorry, I was exaggerating. But it was beating fast, you know.

Now here I am, waiting for - OH HE'S ONLINE ALREADY. Goodbye :)

These Tears, They Burn.

Listening to: Break Even by The Script

I can only assume. I can only understand so much.

It hit me just now, right between the eyes. But,

I need to know if what I guess is going on, is correct.

This is the first time I'm shedding tears for you.

I miss this feeling, crying.

I miss actually having emotions.

I feel more human now.

Much more.

You're Welcome.

Listening to: Hosanna by Planetshakers.

Those words are still lingering in my mind. Did someone really think of me in such a way that made my heart feel all soft and squishy again? Shocked, surprised, stoned. I never thought that was what they thought of me. Somehow or other, no one has been able to make me feel appreciated. It all happened so long ago, so many years back.

Yet they could still remember.

That I, never took sides.

That I, never judged them.

That I, was the only friend they had.

Yet I..

.. I listened to those people. Those people I called friends. Those people I loved, and still do till this day.

I listened to their mockeries. I listened to their insults. I listened to their judgments.

I felt the guilt build up inside of me.

I'm sorry. I'm glad you remembered me as that person.

I'm glad I was the only friend you ever had.

Sunny Emo.

Listening to: Monster by Lady GaGa

I knew what I was getting myself into. But somehow or other I refused to back down. Why did I let myself into this mess? After all that I have been through. I guess what he said was true. It screws you back in the ass.. hard.

Why was I even afraid? Why did I hesitate?

No one's to blame except myself.

And When She Says She Wants Somebody Else.

Listening to: Breathless by Shayne Ward

I miss my car so fucking much I'm gonna hug it once it is back. I can't go out and stone alone. I can't go out to get my necessities. I can't drive around while stoning. I can't I can't I can't. And those are the things I need to do right now.

Oh, also, think I am falling sick. Again. My throat is giving up on me. I'm not bothered to do anything about it. I have come to realize that I am anything but bothered about my well-being and health. I think everyone has come to realize that as well. Isn't it quite obvious?

I shall also stay away from Facebook for tonight as it contains a lot of posts and updates I do not want to see. I will resume Facebook-ing when I am feeling better.

I should really consider being my old self again. Nobody would know the difference.

Btw I'll change the song on my blog soon. Soon.

Time to seek refuge in my room.

FUCK YOU ASSHOLES WHO DRIVE LIKE ASSHOLES AND END UP IN CAR ACCIDENTS.

FUCK YOU.

They're Back!

Listening to: Monster by Lady GaGa

My Chemical Romance is back! Loves! I was wondering where they disappeared to after they released The Black Parade 3 years ago. Anyway Gerard Way is back. But this time..

.. his hair isn't a jet-black mop..

.. and neither is it a shiny blonde patch, but instead..

.. Way's hair is cherry-redtastic! Something different, much. It's good!

After not keeping up with the band for years ever since I attended their concert in KL, I found out that Bob Bryar, the drummer for MCR ever since 2004, has departed from the band. I am not too sure of the reasons he left though. So currently they have this substitute, Michael Pedicone, who goes on tour with them.

Their new song, Art is the Weapon, sounds so different compared to I Brought You My Bullets (2002), You Brought Me Your Love (2004), Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and The Black Parade (2007). Their sound never really changed until The Black Parade. But judging from the song from their new album, I have a feeling there's gonna be quite a distinct change in their genre of music. I might be wrong. Art is the Weapon sounds so Kick-Ass! No?

Their album, Danger Days: The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys featuring their new hit, Art is the Weapon (Na Na Na) will be released on November 22, 2010. I don't know when it will be released here though. But I definitely will get my hands on it as soon as it's out (:

I love you, Gerarrrrrrrrd!