I Just Wanna Be Left Alone.

Listening to: For the First Time by The Script

I didn't have time to update ever since my last update because:

1. My parents are always on my PC,

2. I've been "studying" for midterms, and

3. I just lost my inspiration

Not to say I've always had much that inspired me before this.

My mood swings are destroying me, constantly making me feel like shit all the time. And what's so freaking awesome is that I am not doing anything to fight it off. If you can fight off mood swings, that is.

Now I know why I can not have a relationship. Not for now, at least. After one of my relationships, I have closed my heart, not willing to open it up again after a long time. I suppose you all will think that I am contradicting my own words because not long after one of my break-ups, I hooked up with this guy I barely knew. If I opened up myself to him, we wouldn't have broke up one month later.

I took this quiz on Facebook: What color is your heart? I got the color black. Cold and heartless, much. And I do agree. I have become so immune to everything that used to hurt me before. Right now, I do not monitor the things I say and do. Don't even bother to.

Again, I have reached a dead-end. Not knowing what to do to make things better.

I Love Black. Arthur's Day, You Know?

Listening to: Hard To Say I'm Sorry by Chicago

I went to Pyramid in hopes of achieving my goal: getting my Arthur's Day tickets. Sadly the tickets I were aiming to get (RM79) were sold out. Which means I would have to go to either Mid Valley, Lot 10, Bkt Jalil, and some other places I can't recall to get the tickets. Which is quite the troublesome for me ya. Anywho I ended up buying a black top from Forever 21, which was so not on my to do list.

I have to stop buying black-colored items before I get labeled as emo or goth. But I can't stop! This is me, ME. I love the color black and nobody can stop me from loving it! I feel so comfortable wearing black clothes. But of course I do own clothing of other colors. Except orange. I hate orange. Like the annoying orange. You know?

HEY APPLE. Fuckkkkkkkkk.

You Were My Voice When I Couldn't Speak.

Listening to: Animal by Neon Trees (Such an awesome song)

I won't make promises I can't keep. Or at least promises I know I can't keep.

Why are you so sure that I love you? Actually I shouldn't even be asking you that question because I already know what the answer will be. And it all comes down to me. My actions which have been totally out of my control the past few months. Those things I did to show you that I have feelings for you, were not real. My deepest, sincerest apologies to you. All I ask from you is to leave me alone because I know what I'm gonna do next. And it'll hurt you.

I'm sure I'll receive a text message from you very soon questioning me about this. There will be nothing for me to say. All is said here.

On the other hand, I hope you don't text me asking me if I'm talking about you 'cause if you do I'm going to step on your foot when I see you.

Wanna listen to an extremely awesome song? How about the song playing right now on my blog (:

When I Tell You I Love You.

Listening to : Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor) by Pitbull ft. T-Pain

A few nights ago I typed out a message on my phone. I was about to send it out to him, not giving a damn about what people would say or think about me. I was so fed-up, fed-up with myself and my never-ending excuses to avoid.. it. The feelings that overcame me that night are so very rare, as of late. I've just been so depressed lately, so snappy at everyone. I've been known as someone who hides their feelings perfectly. But no.. Not now.

If I sent out that message, I would regret it now. I just need more time. More time for myself to overcome my fucking mood-swings and to become a better person for you.

Reviving a Dead Blog.

Listening to: Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls

Dayumm I don't know when was the last time I entered my blogsite. Nothing to talk about. Actually loads to but I am just too darn lazy. Thank God I didn't go and get myself a tumblr account if not I think I would just shut down my blog.

So anyway just a short post to let you people know that I will still be updating my blog so don't leave!

Actually I think the real reason why I stopped updating was because I had nothing emo to talk about anymore. Is that good? Or bad..

A Song That Never Fails to Bring Me to Tears.

Listening to: Wonderwall by Oasis

It all comes down to this. Everything is my fault. Nobody else is to blame. Everything I am doing now, everything I have been through, everything I know I am about to face.. I am to be blamed. I already know what I will become very soon. I just don't want to prevent myself from becoming that. Don't ask me why because I don't know why.

I kena sound from my dad because of staying up late every night. I can't help it. I just keep on thinking and thinking and thinking. I am seriously considering sleeping pills. If I can afford them. Those dark eye circles are fucking killing me. And constantly having thoughts swimming around your head when you are dead tired isn't really the best feeling in the world.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to think. I don't know... if I should just fall into you.

And all the lights that lead the way are blinding.

Not My Average Blog Entry.

Listening to: Dong Jie by Lin Jun Jie

I have been surrounded by so many good looking guys recently, they're hard to resist.

I shall start with Mr Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher.

I totally forgot about him after he got married to Demi Moore. He's been like on the low down and Punk'd isn't around anymore and stuff. And all these new good looking celebs are popping up like nobody's business, so I'm sorry Ashton, 'cause I ditched you. I still love you, even though you fucked God knows how many girls in the movie Spread. That movie rekindled my love for you Hahhahaha.

Jackson Rathbone. I never really fancied him until I watched Eclipse a few days ago and The Last Airbender just now. I watched the first two installments of the Twilight Saga, only that I never really noticed him because he didn't really say much and I am not much of a vampire fan. He was always too pale. But he was alright in The Last Airbender even though he didn't say much. Again. He's a handsome young man.

Doesn't he look like a young Ethan Hawke? Or more like Ethan Hawke without the scruffiness and shit. I have not seen Josh Hartnett star in any movie in YEARS. I don't know what the hell happened to this hottie but I can't wait to see some action coming from him. I suddenly feel like watching Pearl Harbour, starring both of my fave hunks, Ben Affleck and Josh here. Anyone up for it?

I have been seeing so much of Bradley Cooper lately, his voice and smile is always playing around in my mind whenever it is blank. Valentine's Day, The Hangover, and A-Team are already added into my list of favorite movies. Thanks to Mr Cooper here. My friend showed me a preview of this TV series he starred in, Kitchen Confidential. Holy shit I need to get my hands on it. More of Bradley, YAY!

Omaigawd Peter Facinelli is so much more hotter compared to Robert Pattinson. Dude, your dad in Twilight owns your ass x 1000 hahaha. Somehow he looks like Ethan Hawke here too. Hmm.. Or maybe it's just me. He looks alright in Twilight but of course much better without the pale makeup and terrible blond hair. Damn I need to get myself a bib soon because of the excess drool leaking outta my mouth.

And last but not least, Fernando Jose Torres Sanz (I know he's not an actor but whatever, he still makes my list). No words can describe my love and loyalty to you. Since 2006 okay?